A friend called me out recently for one of my philosophies with which she absolutely disagreed:

Everyone is right.

This friend cited the offensive statement where it showed up in Dak (my novel). And while it’s fiction, and I generally vehemently distance myself from agreement/alignment with viewpoints of my characters, I admitted to her that I agreed with Dak’s father here… From a father-to-son letter:

“…A lesson I wish I learned sooner, one that will piss you off, as it does me: You’re right, always, remember that. But also remember, everyone else is right, too. They’re just as right as you are…”

So let’s dissect, because it actually gets into Inflection Points, living fulfilling lives, and my work currently:

To start: all I care about is subjective reality.

And really, I don’t actually think there’s any possible way for us to perceive objective reality. Every perception/understanding we have of “objective reality”, of a real world, of Truth, etc, is filtered in so many ways that render it meaningless (or, as I’ll explore, subjective).  For example:

• In our understanding of “reality”, everything is context-dependent. I’ve written about this before, check it out: https://www.jsjoseph.com/short/everything-is-contextual. But the narratives we bring into understanding things, not to mention those of the people relaying/teaching, always muddles the truth.
• Our understanding is filtered through language, and words are symbols – not the “things” themselves. A “Tree” is not a tree. When I say “dog” you imagine (picture and feel) something different than me. When I say “sex”, our personal experiences color the communication tremendously. https://www.jsjoseph.com/short/words-fail-new-project
• Most importantly: all reality is filtered through our five senses. Our eyes and ears and skin send signals to our brains that we’re then convinced is “real”, but an understanding of color (frequency of photons – our brains produce the “color”), or an exploration of certain animals’ senses (like bats’ vision, or bees perceiving electromagnetic waves), can show that our reality is simply a filter created for human living (and procreating) on this planet.

Therefore, all we really have is our subjective reality.

Note this is not to diminish it – quite the opposite! It’s only to say that reality, aka our experiences and ways we live and beliefs we have, are personal to ourselves.

And if each of us has our own system of understanding the world, that means that each of us is right.

Of course, according to one person’s subjective reality, others are not right. (Vaccine conversation, anyone? Ha!). So in a sense, everyone is also wrong… But, within each subjective reality, the conclusions of that person are 100% true. Otherwise they wouldn’t be their conclusions.

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So the work becomes making our subjective reality serve us, not vice versa.  It’s finding joy even when “objective reality” gives us the opposite. It’s feeling whole even when the world is broken.

And I’ll jump into that one this week… [See Part 2: “What Do You Want To Be Right About?”]

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Ps: because I really enjoyed revisiting that father-to-son letter from Richard Ackerthefifth to Dak, I figured I’d repost it. Here you go, from Chapter 22 (of course):

My dearest Dak and Emily,

I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, now, everything else being too late. I let everyone down. The two of you especially. Because kids need a father, and I couldn’t even get that right. I’m sorry.

I only meant to help, to improve the lives of others, and it seems I have the opposite of the midas touch, even while thinking, over and over again, that it’ll be different this time. Though I guess that is the midas touch. Never underestimate the power of old stories. Anyway… I hope you both know I only meant well. Know that, please. Maybe something, somehow will turn out ok. Maybe my absence will be to the good. The foundation will go on without me, and one day, one day both of you will be running it.

Maybe I just need to get out of the way for the good to happen. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know where I went wrong. But I know, please know, I’m sorry.

In a different pen, making me presume a different day:

I think it was one of those crazy literary Russians who once wrote: a man can’t become his own man until the death of his father. Call it woman, too, because this applies to both of you. I’m a difficult man, I know, with motives I barely understand, somehow just trying to be enough. And always falling short. And maybe this is the opening you two need.

I guess what I’m saying is, be strong. Be true…

Be yourselves, and be forgiving to yourselves…

Be what you were before birth, before others (including me) started telling you how and who to be…

Take care of others, have compassion. But be better than me: start with those you know and love, those who know and love you. And show them that you love them, not just through words but through action. But don’t forget the words too! Tell your loved ones you love them. Over, and over again…

Figure out those people who mean something to you, and only consider their opinions. Forget the rest…

Don’t float through life, subject to circumstances. Create your circumstances…

Never label yourself, it becomes an excuse for inaction…

Have a meaningful life, whatever that means for you. Never let others define it…

Travel, and get into nature…

Stay in shape, exercise. It makes everything easier…

Be generous. It creates happiness, on both ends…

Things are a waste of time, only leave you wanting more. Happiness is never outside yourself. Chasing it outside will always end in pain and struggle, it keeps happiness at bay…

If you find yourself unhappy, have the guts to change…

Know, in your hearts, that you can die anytime. Hold this, because it’s liberating. Dying relieves you of expectations…

But don’t die until you die. Only a fool waits until death for reincarnation…

What else can I say?

Dak, Emily: Love each other…

Forgive each other. Always…

Love and be loved…

Be kind to yourselves in your memories. They’ll define you, so be careful what you dwell on, how you remember things. But not so careful that you fancy yourself a saint…

Learn and grow from your regrets. But then move on…

Find someone with whom you can let it all out. Don’t carry it all yourself…

Stay away from fire…

Don’t cut down trees…

And a lesson I wish I learned sooner, one that will piss you off, as it does me: You’re right, always, remember that. But also remember, everyone else is right, too. They’re just as right as you are…

Don’t lose each other, whatever you do. And don’t forget your mother. And don’t let Sunita ignore you…

Take care of your mother, she’ll need it. I’ll send her her own letter. I trust Sunita will get both of these to you and her, but who knows how your mom will take any of this. I’m so, so sorry.

Dak… Emily… Most of all, I’m sorry I won’t be there as you both grow, won’t be there for you along the way, won’t be able to hold your hand on the good days, or cheer for you when you graduate, or hold you when your heart hurts. And I’m selfishly sorry, that I will never see you as adults, never get to bask in the glory of who you will each become, won’t be able to tell you how proud I am, won’t see you marry, will never meet your children.

So much love. Forever.

Dad